Army chief Gen Theerachai Nakvanich recently urged people to look out for anything suspicious in their communities in the wake of the recent bomb attacks, while adding new Thai characteristics to everybody’s knowledge. He said, “Thai people don’t wear hats or glasses in the mall. Carrying a backpack is also suspicious too.”
Thank you krub, dear sir, for such words of wisdom. I didn’t realise there are new nuances to being Thai. And because I’m so Thai I know that I should accept any statement made by a phuyai like you without questioning.
This also got me thinking about other details about being Thai that we may have overlooked. Please allow me to present a quiz to help any Thai find out how Thai he or she really is.
1. You met a farang who tried to speak Thai but got all the intonations completely wrong. How should you react?
a) Aww. What an adorable farang. See how great our country is that so many westerners try to learn our language.
b) Politely correct the person (while thinking to yourself, “stop butchering my language”).
2. How would you react to Thais who can speak English fluently?
a) Oh, do you think you’re too cool for the Thai language or something? So gra-dae (pretentious) na you. I would be as good as you had our country been colonised.
b) You must have put a lot of hard work into practising. Good on you!
3. What kinds of words would you associate with Pokemon Go?
a) Nonsense. Danger. A waste of time. Addiction. Car crash. Espionage. Fining opportunities (if you’re a traffic police officer).
b) Fun. Business booster. Discovery of new places. Something to encourage nerds to go out more.
4. What’s considered to be a proper swimsuit at the beach or a water park?
a) A combo of T-shirt and shorts.
b) A swimsuit of any style. Duh.
5. What is the first thing you do when served with a bowl of noodles?
a) No one knows my taste better than I do. I should just add seasoning before I eat and get my money’s worth.
b) Try it as served first and then decide whether to add seasoning.
6. How would you react to “news” about Thai celebs or politicians doing normal things like eating at a street side food stall or not cutting in line?
a) They are such role models! It’s so great of them to show that they can do normal stuff normally as we would normally do every day.
b) Why the heck is this news?
7. How do you react to someone attending a party with a black face?
a) It’s a joke. Don’t be so serious. Jai yen yen.
b) When will we ever learn?
8. What do you do when you encounter a plant or an animal with an abnormal shape?
a) Put incense sticks around it and tell neighbours it gives you clues towards winning the lottery.
b) Nothing? Maybe a couple of pictures for my IG?
9. When a phuyai says wearing hats, glasses or backpacks at the mall isn’t Thai, how would you react to it?
a) Accept it as a fact and wear your MCM studded backpack at home.
b) (Think to yourself) What is he on?
ANSWERS:
More a) – The more you go a), the more Thai you are. If you’re all a), then you’re super Thai.
More b) – Sorry, maybe you aren’t so Thai, despite your nationality and the taxes you, your parents and your ancestors have paid.
How many did you get right? How Thai are you, ja?
This source first appeared on Bangkok Post Lifestyle.